pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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