Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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