if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
