it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize