Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
