Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
