he wants to bone in the snuggie
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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