This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
