did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
