just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
