im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
