i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
