wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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