I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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