he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
