Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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