She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
