sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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