We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Randomize
