There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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