i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
