just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
