I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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