Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
