one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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