Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
