You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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