I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize