I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
