I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize