I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
