i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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