We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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