3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
