can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
