I hate all girls vehemently.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
