Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
