he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
