I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
