Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
