Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you had me at cake vodka
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
