my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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