respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
