my shit smells like andre
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
