haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
