I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
