Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
