We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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