It's just like the Real World with babies
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
