i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
