i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
