Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
