Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
