There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
