just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
