you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
