I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
