you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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