Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
