A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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