i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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