The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
