You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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