areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
