never play flip cup with pint glasses
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize