So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
