Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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